Further unhappiness

Forgot to blog about one of the other things that super upset me

Found out our groups for the Yunnan trip and wow I’m a leader!

So happy!

Not.

I’m not saying that everyone in my group is a loser or something because they’re not. I don’t know them well enough to judge and I’m sure that at least some of them are pretty nice people. But putting me as a leader in a group of people I’m COMPLETELY unfamiliar with is freaking unfair to me? Limeng and Grace are the other group leaders and it’s so obvious that you are out to separate us. Fine, but when Limeng has Sau Yee, Jin Yi, and Iynyi in his group. And Grace has Yiguan, Han Le, and Edwin. And I have…. Chin Hwee who might not even confirmed be going, and other people whose NAMES I CANNOT EVEN PLACE A FACE TO, that’s FUCKING UNFAIR okay.

I know you want me to work with people I’m not familiar with and you want me to “learn something’. But fuck this. First off all, I’m uncomfortable being alone. I like making new friends but I need my own “safe circle” of friends first. (And this year didn’t start off on an extremely good “making friends” note.) And putting me as a LEADER of a group of people I’m unfamiliar with? That is not cool. I’ll feel even more out of place than ever. And I need, to be with people I am comfortable around. I feel alone and vulnerable when I’m alone okay? Understand that?

And don’t tell me that you think I’ll be a “very bad leader in Yunnan”. Then don’t fucking put me as a leader! And you said that in response to what I told you about Yifan. Do you not think I have a reason to be angry/annoyed at him? If I wasn’t patient, I wouldn’t even have given him anything to do, I would have chased him out of my house on Saturday morning when he presented me with NO WORK DONE, and immediately told you. It’s now August and I’ve kept my mouth shut about him. How much more tolerant do you want me to be, seriously. And we’re supposed to tell our PW tutors if we have groupmates not doing work. THAT’S WHAT I DID. Maybe I didn’t present it in the best way possible but the gist is there right?

This group, is NOT random. You, do NOTHING without a reason. You want me to learn something? You have just increased my dislike for you, really. I’ve been okay with you all this while, but when you make decisions like these, and act as if you know me so well, it is not cool and I don’t appreciate it.

You could be reading this now but I’m not defaming ANYONE by saying what I did. I merely stated the facts, quoted, and stated my own feelings on the matter. If you’re unhappy, well so am I. So if I have to be in a group of unfamiliar people, and you’re going to be the teacher in charge of my group, which I have a sneaking suspicion you’re going to be because you REFUSE TO LET ME OFF, I’m going to be an unhappy bitch and show you my unhappy face and you’re just going to have to SUCK IT UP even if it affects you, which it apparently will because you can tell when I’m unhappy and it’s not like I try to hide it anyway.

Having a fucking bad stomachache/cramps now. Haven't started studying for Econs. I hate my life. Got other things to blog about and this week just hasn't been the best.