HARDEN YOUR HEART

More photos see I'm being a good blogger hahahaha. Shall continue where I left off last last week?? I have to refer to my planner to remind myself what plans I had HAHAHA.

Thursday 10/03: Frog leg porridge with Zhijun and Gimlim after driving was yumzzzz ^^ Gim totally underestimated Jun's sense of direction and went to find her in the MRT station when she managed to find her way lor!!!!!! Had a good supper - Jun eating the weird parts of the frog, Gim only eating the sauce and porridge, AND ME BEING NORMAL (: Next time we shall meet for KUAAAAAAY CHAP! Heeee.

Uh next day woke up damn early to drag our butts down to Raffles Place to fill up forms at some temp agency, then walked around doing hardly anything, took a bus down to the driving centre and realised I've been walking 2 bus stops away WHEN THE BUS STOPS RIGHT OUTSIDE THE CENTRE AJKHDUIASDAU, Gim left for Maldives!

Went for NUS and NUS Law open houses that weekend, nothing much to say about them but I remember feeling very overwhelmed and self doubting but OK PERIOD OF MY LIFE OVER.

Met Meowlissa for an impromptu lunch on Tuesday 15/03 hehe Meowmeow!!! Then left to go meet Calvin for Strictly Pancakes WHICH WERE DAMN AWESOME!!!! Aaron came to join us then we went to SMU, sat outside Faye's classroom. Calvin was being productive and submitted his NUS app while I continued whining about paying someone to help me fill up and submit my apps hahahaa. We embarrassed ourselves outside Faye's classroom D: Aiyo but it's ok hahaha. Walked with Calvin to wait for bus then the botakboy had to go off alr and book in that evening ): Went to Raffles City and met Liwen for a while. LIKE OMG HOW LONG HAS THAT NAME NOT BEEN MENTIONED ON THIS BLOG???? Hahahaha.

Talked to her for abit, before she left and I met Chenyin/Hanle/Wanen!!!! Found Meowl and Nicolette then we walked over to Harry's at Esplanade for 04 girls dinner!!! It was good to catch up with everyone - Justina, Lynn, Jo and Charis joined us later. Although I guess Uni apps and choices are weighing on everyone's mind but it's good to know that we all have our paths in mind (: Plus talking about potential angmoh names like "Channing Tatum" and "Justin Long" hahahaha. The service at Harry's was FUCKING HORRENDOUS but no GST and we stood our ground about ordering drinks so YEAH. Sat at Starbucks and nua-ed, took many pictures, talked. Chilling like that is awesomezzzzzzz.

Since our Japan trip was sadly cancelled, me and Meredith tagged along with Mummy to KL. It wasn't very fun cuz it's not sale season so cannot really shop sigh. But we ate DAMN BLOODY ALOT and our hotel had Disney channel so every night was spent watching Hannah Montana/Jonas Brothers LA/Suite Life on Deck and some other nonsense while doing crunches/planks on the bed hahahaha. YOU KNOW HOW MUCH WE ATE it's freaking ridiculous. We bought 4 dozen Krispy Kreme back to deliver to various people, ate like 2 donuts everyday NUTTY BUTTERYYYY, Nando's, Kenny Rogers', char kuay teow, wanton mee, jap food. Aiyo it was madness!!! Came back then like, ok nothing much lor.

Monday 21/03, woke up early to be productive and call up prospective employers haha. Rushed down to Chinatown w Gim for an interview where I promptly sounded damn suaku but yknow, NEVER MIND LA!!! Went to sit at Starbucks and just like, SAT THERE talking and sorting through seashells which he brought back from Maldives. Walked around to buy his hair dye, buy my makeup remover and also a couple of books, then SAT SOMEMORE at MOS talking and taking "Brand Ambassador Worthy" pictures. And also my new profile pic hahaha. ^^ Took a train back and met Daddy at Simei and he came over for dinner. Then I had a bad end to the night -refer to previous post

Next day went to the airport for a second round of interviews where we met a damn entertaining girl. And also faced a strict interview, had to wear heels for it and nearly died cuz my feet kept slipping out of them haha. Changed out into slippers immediately cuz Gim took them out and placed them outside the interview room HAHAHA. (Y) Went to Simei Starbucks so I could work on my apps while he played pokemon then Meredith came to find us! FINALLY ACCOMPLISHED SOME NONSENSE then we all went home/separate ways. Thank you Gim my brother, for accompanying me that whole day when I felt damn UGHHHHHHH and forcing me to sit down and do the stupid thing! (:

Wednesday, HAD A VERY VERY PACKED DAY. Went down to TJ to collect my referrals, met Mr Hsu on the way, talked to so many teachers, got my referrals, photocopied my docs but realised I was missing something jasdhiuahda. Watched Crystal eat her lunch, then went to Simei to sit and work on my personal statement. JayJay came to find me for awhile and we talked for abit! Then went for my very first tuition lesson with a Pri 6 student. After that went to SMU and gave Liwen donuts, met Aaron and Dylon and made our way to Clarke Quay to meet Zhijun for BAK KUT TEH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! hEHEHEHE dinner was damn good with themmmm ate alot until super full, then walked to Raffles City to work off some FATS haha. Sat at a random spot talking and making them do the maths problems I couldn't do, then went to Ya Kun. I was productive that day and I met many people so yay that was awesome (: Aaron and his "DID YOU COUNT THE DOORS???" hahahah omg. Stayed up that night until like 3am finishing up my personal statement and talking on Skype until my internet failed. AND REALISING THAT I HAD MORE SHIT TO DO FOR MY APPS KAHSDIUASDG.

Thurs, woke up in the morning to get my butt down to Eastpoint and take passport picture and photocopy stuff, went back home to sort out my things then fell asleep. Woke up late and met Gracie and Yiguan at Bugis half an hour late hahaha. Had dinner at Kichn with them, HAVEN'T MET THEM IN SO BLOODY LONG CAN??? Sat there for 2hrs plus talking about our future "boyfriends" that we will never meet, pubbing, work, uni, whatever. (: Can't wait for our pubbing date!! Haha.

Friday was a day of PRODUCTIVITY AND FREEDOM as I managed to submit all my supporting documents and stuff personally to the Unis. Good job Mag!!! -Pats self on back hahahahahaha. Sat at Fruits Paradise with Gim who followed me around to deliver my nonsense. We were supposed to go for dance but I felt GROSS so we just sat and talked instead. Hahaha plus got shocking news :O Then we did damn retarded things in Raffles City which shall not be mentioned cuz it makes us sound like idiots hahaha. MRT-ed home! Stayed up damn late and slept at 6am the next morning because I wanted the next day to come quick hahaha.

Saturday, WAS A FANTASTIC DAY/NIGHT!!!!! Woke up earlier than I wanted to zzzzz. Started getting ready at like 3pm and left the house at 520? Was fucking pissed off at the start but after meeting all the girliez to celebrate Charis and Nicolette's birthday at Timbre, felt alot better!!!! Food was meh, but the company made it really worthwhile! (: Took a train to meet the late Gim then... the rest of the night was fucking awesome hahahaha. Had soooooo much fun with Aaron/Dy/Jun/Lion and Gim! Plus thank you Gim for sending me home after that! (:

Sunday, had to wake up really early for training in Chinatown. Tried my first taste of cognac which was YUCKS. But we're really excited for work to start now!!! Although the funny girl we met at the interview didn't get the job sigh I would have loved to work with her she was so entertaining!! After training, went to meet CALVINNNNNN and went to Vivo to like, eat/catch up for a very short while. Then went over to his house so he could get ready to book in then went for dinner at Tung Lok! Yumyum filling dinner, then went home. I will see you soon botak boy don't look so depressed all the time. THIS COMING SATURDAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!! ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^ ^^

Uh yesterday I decided to nua at home the whole day. So nothing worth mentioning.

Got called back to relief at SACPS again today so had to get up early in the morning which I'm SOOOO not used to. Was falling asleep in my classes hahahaha if you follow me on Twitter I said "It's very unprofessional to sleep in class, especially if you are the teacher" HAHAHAHA BUAY TAHAN MYSELF!!! My seat and class is taken over by a damn weird teacher now ): Lunch with Mummy then we went down to Novena for facial. Walau I have never gone for facial (which explains the terrible state of my skin), the extraction damn painful??? BUT SHIOK!!! I wanted to see all the dirt she managed to squeeze out of my face haha but I think I would have sounded damn weird if I asked. Now my skin looks damn clear I hope it lasts cuz we didn't sign up for package this was like, free trial HAHAHA CHEAPOS FOREVER. Dinner was sukiyaki YUMYUMYUMYUM damn bloated now but we haven't had it in so long!!

Tomorrow will be a good day, because I SAY IT WILL. Excited!! (: Plus I quit tutoring (after one lesson) and got Mummy to take over cuz I'm too damn lazy and irresponsible hahaha shit. I feel damn bad to my student and I keep avoiding her phone calls now. Ohwell SORRY LA!!! But Pri 6 alot of responsibility leh. The rest of this week like.. Okay not bad I am looking forward to SATURDAY because we're gonna have a BBQ!! (: Yayyyyy. Wish it was poolside but the pit wasn't available. IT SHALL BE FUNNNN. :D :D And also, work might start this Friday WHICH I'M REALLY DAMN EXCITED ABOUT!!!! Just need to find out our schedule + venue now. I hope me and Gim are working around the same area if not we look for job together FOR WHAT?? Anyway we'll be working at DFS at the airport I hope I meet interesting and nice people! :D

OK, enough words, byebye! Haaaaa ^^

I went to the window, threw my head to the sky

Shall post some pictures first before a long rambling post ahead.










I am frustrated and upset that you don't seem to trust, or give me the same amount of respect that I give to you. You are my mother but I treat you like my best friend, how many daughters tell their mothers the parts of their lives which I voluntarily share with you? Who I'm out with, introducing all my friends to you because I'm proud to be your daughter and I want you to like my friends because I like them, where I am, what time I'm coming home, what I'm doing. I do all this and with hardly any complain cuz I'm comfortable enough to tell you all this and I'm okay with it. I know you worry and you need to know such things to feel at ease. AND I'M OKAY WITH IT.

But when you start questioning my decisions again, chasing me to do things that are relevant to MY life and MY future and I DO know how important these things are, I don't need you on my case about it, I just wish that you weren't like that. Seriously. I get that University is important, it decides my fate, I face damn fucking stiff competition, I should be doing all that I can to clinch that oh so desirable spot in Law, I KNOW ALL THAT I REALLY DO. Despite my supposed nonchalance and alleged "COMPLACENCY" I know that I might not be able to get that spot, and you don't think I'm worried about that too? So stop chasing me to get things done, I will. And I will also face the consequences and take responsibility for wherever my actions/words land me.

Academic future aside, today you REALLY crossed a line by telling me "Why do you care so much about your friends when your friendship obviously means nothing to them". WOW WTF MA THOSE WORDS REALLY CUT DEEP. I'm stressed out enough as it is with thoughts about my future and where I'm going to be in a short 5 months time, and what I'm going to do with my life and whether I'm cut out for Law, whether Law wants me, whether I am good enough for it, whether I am determined enough for those grueling 4 years and I can only imagine, even tougher years ahead. My friends are important to me, and I've been content for the earlier part of this year with the people that I've been making an effort to see regularly and who have been doing the same for me. Right now, when I face some trouble and unhappiness on this front and I complain about it at home, that is really, THE LAST THING I NEED TO HEAR. I told you that these people are important to me, and despite all that I say and whine and rant about them, obviously they still mean something or I wouldn't bother. I'm not like you, however similar our appearance and hot-headed personalities, I cannot cut people out of my life because I cannot be bothered or because it's tiresome and expensive to keep up friendships. I AM WILLING TO DO IT, WILL YOU RESPECT THAT? Are you tired of being there for me? When I get ditched and you accompany me instead?

I don't know what I've done, what choices I've previously made, that warrant your worrying and judgement and critique (even as you try to hide it behind humour and a smile. That smile, like you know it all, pisses me off). We went through this at the beginning of last year, and look, I turned out fine even as you stopped me from doing Cheerleading, and nagged me incessantly about studying (in January, no less), and I was the most unmotivated lazy bum EVER. Will you trust me? That everything will be okay? That I know what to do for myself and what I want and the lengths I have to go to get it? Trust me that I have chosen and will choose the people in my life wisely, trust THEM that they won't let me down, and even if they do, be a mother and comfort me and let me get over it on my own terms. And if I choose to be their friends again, just be quiet, and accept them into my life and yours like I chose to.

Also, I am going on 19 and would LOVE the freedom to do something crazy and wild once in a while. I tell you about my plans, I tell you what I wanna do, let me do them please? Let me grow up and be independent and go out. In many aspects, I believe I've been a damn fucking obedient daughter, and I'm aware of the dangers around me, of what might and might not happen, give me the chance to try new things and be in new situations will you?

I'm worried too, do you seriously think I'm not? The reason why I've been putting off my apps and writing my personal statements and everything is because I'm SO FUCKING AFRAID of not being good enough. That I cannot do justice to my personality and how fucking bad I want this because it's all I ever wanted, in 2000 characters alone. That my distinctions aren't enough. That there are 1499 other people fighting with me and why am I so much better than them? Why am I more deserving? WHY? I can't even answer that myself. I just know I want it BUT SO DO THEY. And these other people have straight As too, and stellar portfolios that probably put mine to shame, with experience and more knowledge about Law, who are clearer about what they want than I am, who know all the right words to write and say, who have 10000000 achievements to showcase their "intellectual capability" while I have difficulty finding ONE worthy enough to write about. And my gift of gab cannot translate on to paper, I talk and talk and talk but I can't write it down without sounding like a muted, robotic, stiff, watered down version of myself.

I wouldn't usually post this here cuz it's kinda public but I just, I cannot stand it. And it's been a while since I've been less than chipper and happy now you know I'm not all sunshine and daisies and whatever (if you ever thought of me that way). I wanted to blog about what happened from last week but I don't think I'm in the mood. Maybe I'll cut and paste this post into LJ and then continue my daily life ramblings here BECAUSE YOU ALL LOVE THAT RIGHT???? Haaaa!!!!

To make this post even more depressing, read this article on Dubai because it's long but worth reading and it's haunting and the world is so warped sometimes really. And I've been in denial about Japan, avoiding reading articles, looking at pictures, watching the news because the devastation is fucking tragic and if I don't see it it's not happening. BUT I looked at pictures today and I'm upset. I'm damn bloody upset that this is happening to a beautiful city which I lost the chance to visit because of this disaster. No one deserves the terror that the Japanese are facing, of not knowing what lies ahead except that it's gonna be a damn long road to rebuild their homes lives businesses economy (which wasn't in good shape to begin with). I look at the videos and pictures and it seems so damn unreal to see waves crushing boats like they're nothing more than paper and sticks, engulfing cars like in an apocalyptic movie, roads that are split down the middle and looked as if they've been photoshopped to look warped, pavements that become slopes, fireballs, the growing and growing death toll reaching 18000 and above. I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS IS HAPPENING I DON'T WANT TO BELIEVE THAT IT IS.

I'm usually not affected, or at least not enough to talk so much about it and it's unlike me. Maybe I just have a lot on my mind that every thing makes me wanna cry. But this, this should not be happening. My problems are trivial compared to what they're facing. I'm going to bed tonight with a heavy heart. I saw the pictures and videos from the links here, go check them out too. Plus the account is scary and I cannot imagine being in that position.

AND FINALLY HERE ENDS A FUCKING MISERABLE POST, GOODNIGHT!

WOW PICTURES

In no particular order, some pics!













What I've been up to since the last time I blogged (before results came out):

9-12 Feb
Taylor Swift concert (!!!!!) with Gimlim - Hahahaha we only confirmed our tix like at 545 when the concert started at 730?? Thank you sooooo much to SarahBarah and her dad omg it was a freaking emotional rollercoaster la but YAYYY WE MANAGED TO GO!!!! :D
That fateful night when Gim picked me up from driving and EVERYWHERE was like out of food so we ended up at Changi Village having htht haha. Soup Spoon with Gracie, Ling's birthday where she wanted to know what it was like to get drunk and ended up puking (awesome! HAHAHAH).

14-19 Feb
Ah Ma's wake, took out my stitches, driving practical and I now owe my instructor 12 coffees because I stalled the engine that many times hahahahaha kns, passed my BTT!, Republic Of Steak, bowling, Swensen's ice cream cake to celebrate Stuart's birthday! Wow I'm really condensing all the details hahaha.

21-27 Feb
"I DON'T WANNA WALK ANYMORE YOU COME AND FIND ME OK" hahahaha got treated like a princess hehe, Calvin the botak boy booked out!!!!!!, Aston's and dessert with Calvin, Gim, and Meredith (haha we are all siblings now!!!! ^^), Siglap lunch with Calvin and Lionel- my pseudo parents for that day as they nagged me while walking me to school haha, No Strings Attached and Skinny Pizza with Gracieeeee along with some major fail jobhunting, dyed my hair red in Msia FINALLY!!!!!, book fair with Gim.

1-4 Mar
I am No. 4 + finally looking for dance classes with Gimlim, Dinner with Meowlissa and Chenyin (this was a much much much badly needed dinner date because we haven't seen each other in SOOOOOOO long and talking to them is awesome I misssssss my 04 girlssssss), Lionel's birthday dinner- Marche, getting a Starbucks paper bag to hide the Awfully Chocolate cake and Lionel not daring to open the box haha, awesome awesome awesome super sweet Moscato, crazy driving "I WANT TO LIVEEEEEEE"- it was a good night!, Baking pink coloured heart shaped blob shaped macarons with Gracie ^^, being a nervous wreck the day of results and wanting to burst out crying ANY MOMENT, got my Instax 210 yay!!

Wow I think I'm a terrible blogger hahahahahaha wtf la but at least I have pictures!!!! and words!!!! Aaron's birthday was on Monday, went to meet him, Dylon and Gimlim for wanton mee before me and Gim left for our FIRST dance class! Haven't danced in sooooo long so it was good and the instructor was nice! Walked to get Koi (and undoing all the good that the physical workout did for us) and then sat at J.Co and rotted.

Tuesday, met Gracie to try and find Food For Thought! Hahahah we are both terrible with directions we really shouldn't try to be adventurous BUT WE FOUND IT IN THE END!!!! Ate pasta and had damn good Banana Chocolate Malteser cake yum! Talked about our futures and stufffffff which is unnerving, to say the least. There is so much to do and sign up for and I feel so lazy to start.... Walked around slightly aimlessly then lefttttttt.

Yesterday was my last day of school ): I had no teachers to relieve so I just sat there rotting and wishing I brought my camera to take pics with my favourite students sigh. Had another dance class where I met Ilisa! Also managed to meet Faye to pass her something I HAVEN'T SEEN THAT STUPID GIRL IN HOW LONG LA so angry >:[ Yesterday's dance was more technical and stuff but woah it was a damnnnnnnn good workout we were sweating and panting and our faces were red JUST FROM THE WARMUP ALONE HAHAHAHA super unfit please. Then we went to buy new water bottles and eat Carls' Jr. Heeeeeee.

Driving again later then meeting Jun and Gim for FROG LEG PORRIDGE!!!! Yayyyyyyy. (: I shall now try to be productive. BYEEEEEEEEEEEE SEE GRACE NO MORE "SKI TEAL WE DROP"!!!

Blessed

I know I haven't blogged in a ridiculously long time but, things happened and I was too busy to do sooooo. Now that A level results are out, I need to thank people!!!

From the bottom of my heart, I wanna thank Mr Seng, Miss Wong, Ms Woodford, Ms Chen, Mr Fazli, even Mr Hasim, Mr Wu, Faye, Vibzy, Calvin, Yiguan, Gracie, Chenyin, Mummy, Daddy, Uncle and Meredith. To all these people, thank you for giving me your guidance, your help, your support, your faith, your companionship, your patience, your time. I wouldn't have gotten such stellar results without all of you so a big big big thank you!!!! Also to Siglap/Parkway/Big Splash Starbucks which saw us spending most of our time and money but it was all worth it!!!

Now that results are out, there's a whole other world to conquer, university apps to complete and send in. But I now have choices, though I only really want Law, and I really hope I make good decisions. (: I'm also EXTREMELY proud of Calvin and Gracie who got straight As!!!! When Calvin told me the news I was so happy I could cry!!!! Both of you deserve every single mark and grade! And I'm also glad that most of my friends are okay with their results! (: So happy to be a TJC-ian, to be part of this batch that did so bloooody awesome. Yayyy.

Went for SMU Open house with Gracie, Yiguan and Nicolette on Saturday. After that, left to find Calvin for high tea buffet at Goodwood Park! Went down to Swissotel to celebrate Aaron's birthday!!!!

Had sooo much fun that night, playing Chubby Bunny "MISS ONG WILL NOT LOSE!!!!!!!" and managed to stuff 11 marshmallows in my mouth wth. Taking lots of silly pictures "prata kosong" "prata bomb", popping champagne with this beloved group of people to celebrate me and Calvin's results (I love you all!!!), me and Zhijun's "should we stay should we not stay", Ashton's dream movies, "SHHHHHH!!!!!", Me and Gracie's home baked macarons vs Calvin's Canele macarons (walau he buy just to fight with me one lor), "You're gonna get glitter in your stomach you're gonna become EDWARD CULLEN!!!", 3.45am Double Mcspicy run (wow), "air stewardess" and Arts(ftw) student telepathy during Charades, "Black Swan"... Aiyah too many things happened that night hahaha it was great fun!!! (: I also gained a brother that night/next morning thanks to Gimlim and his "Hi Mama". But hey, I always wanted an older brother! Hahahahaha. Next c-c-crazy night out shall be on AARON when we have our Night Of Luxury hehe ^^

Ok I'm really damn sleepy now Mummy keeps reminding me tomorrow is a school day haha. Got home at about 11plus tonight after dinner with Aaron, Dylon and Gimlim, then me and GL went for our first dance class!!!! Felt so good to dance after so long even though it wasn't really my style haha. Walked to get Koi then sat down at J. Co to talk and rot and rest and basically eat back whatever calories we burnt during dance but it's okay! We will have more lessons!!!!! (:

SHALL GO SLEEP NOW goodnight!!! Happy now Yiguan?? I blogged!!!!