Immovable shadows.

I think I made a mistake,
I don't like you anymore,
But I really miss you.

Fuck.

Foxtrot

Dragged my butt down to the library today. Okay no, got Mummy to give me a lift down to the library because she wanted to go to Malaysia so she dropped me off. Managed to finish Chinese and tuition homework. Attempted Langarts but I didn't know how so yeah. Went off looking for books, and sat myself down reading. Dumped a pile of books at the side while I read, then this weird dude who was like, big sized but looked younger than me started talking to me. So picture this, I'm sitting on the sofa things right, and there's a table beside me where my books are, and he's sitting on the floor beside the table. So first he gestures to one of my books and asks if I'm gonna read it, and because I decided not to borrow the book already I told him he could have it. Even though it was weird because he's a guy, reading a book called Confessions of a Hollywood Star. He didn't read it anyway, just held it abit then he asked me what's the time, so I told him. Then because I was coughing, he was like "You sick?" And I said yes, by this time OBVIOUSLY I'm weirded out right. Then he says "Can I ask you something?" And I'm hesitant but I say yeaaaah. Then he's like "Because I have no friends, can we be friends?" Or something like that in broken English. And I'm super ready to bolt and I'm freaking out silently inside and I say "Uh, sorry but I don't know you." Then he said sorry and I gathered up my books and rushed to go borrow them.

And so ended the weird encounter for the day. Bought Twister fries then went home, and found Mummy and Uncle at home because they didn't go to Malaysia in the end. Ate alot alot because Mummy was cooking for the week and we had so much food at home. Then had a craving for pizza and also ordered that. Stormbreaker was on, I love Aleexxx Pettyfer :D :D I'm still coughing and I have one last antibiotic left. It would have finished by today if not for the fact that I didn't bother to take it again. Hahaha. Okay tomorrow I must get Mummy to bring me to the docs, so I can get MC from PE as well heehee.

Do you really wanna be another trend

I'm oversensitive, I refuse to care anymore.
I'm an emotional wreck, I am in control.
I'm sick, I am numb.
I'm strong, I am weak.
I'm confused, I know what I want.
I'm grumpy and unhappy and annoyed and pissed and anti-social and depressed and a mess and my head feels like it's about to explode because it keeps spinning and it has no start it has no end it is a whirlpool, a hurricane, a tornado, quicksand, poison, traps. It is destined for destruction and ultimately death.
I have no words to describe how I feel. How it feels when every little thing and person and action irritates you, when your head feels like bursting open and a horrible techno band will jump out of it shouting and screaming and banging and hitting and hurting you, every part of you, every bone in you. When all you want to do is be alone, in silence, watching everyone around you, feeling invisible but that's okay because you don't want anyone to notice you. To live in a bubble because then nothing in the outside world can hurt you.

Maybe tomorrow I will say, forget this post because it makes no sense. Forget this post because it makes me vulnerable. Forget this post because I'm not thinking straight. Forget this post, because I said so. I'm scared of what the future brings, I'm scared I'm not up to people's expectations, I'm afraid that I got myself in too deep, I'm nervous that I made the wrong choices, I'm afraid that I can't handle the pressure. I need isolation and absolute quiet.

Number 40

OKAY WHATEVER IGNORE THE LAST POST IT MADE NO SENSE.
Yesterday was a super long day but there was no Volleyball in the end cuz it was raining too heavily. We had to watch a movie during Chinese which was quite boring and me and Louise decided to wake the sleeping Edwin by going "BOO!" in his ear. His reaction was super funny hahaha. Made a volcano during Geog! Mummy came to pick me up then she gave Chenyin a lift to the station, while we picked up Meredith then went to Tampines for dinner then to see the doctorrrr. Throat inflammation or something, me and Meredith got the exact same medicines.

Todaaaaaay, super lousy day because for some reason it felt even longer than yesterday. Probably due to the medicines taking its effect on me, I was feeling lousy, hence the previous post. Lunch opposite then back to school for History. Had to do a compre during Langarts which was kinda screwed. Then, me, Chenyin and Ryan walked Calvin opposite for dunno what reason. Chenyin decided to scare the TA1s and said Hi to Gabriel, and then pointing at some random TA1 right in front of her and going "THERE, THIS ONE ALSO TA1 WHAT." Omg the trauma they must have suffered. Went back to school and stayed in the canteen for abit, talking to Jo, Louise and Nick. Started raining super duper heavily like the world was gonna end haha. Went to change to trackpants and stuff then went to the hall with Rachel, Louise and Justina. Everyone who wanted to stay and watch the auditions couldn't stay so that was quite sad ): Spent about an hour and a half straight learning the routine, and then we had to split up into smaller groups of 6 to dance for the teacher and freestyle abit O.O Completely blanked when we had to perform in front of the teacher like omg how freaky. She announced the results, me and Rachel got in! Justina and Louise still did a good job though, the teacher said we all barely made it gaaah. Had a briefing and stuff then left at about 8. Mummy came to pick me up and gave Charis a ride home. I wanna watch Dou Niu but I'm freaking tired right now I'm going to collapse okay bye.

BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

It's now Geog and we're learning about the Pacific Ring of Fire and I'm about to die my stomach feels horrible and churning and I feel naseous and my tongue is burnt and I hate the feeling and I really really wanna sleep or at least vomit the contents of my stomach because IT REFUSES TO COOPERATE IN MY STOMACH.
Okay bye, Bio presentation later's gonna be a bitch.

Piczhaaas.

Heeheeeeee. I uploaded all my long overdue pictures from dunno how many lightyears ago! :D Okay yesterday was a super short day I'm so happy. We had a game thing during Chinese to test how well we know our phrases. And our group won!! (: I was so frustrated with myself because I wanted to pass up all my work since she hates me so much, and I did the journal BUT I FORGOT TO BRING MY OTHER WORKSHEET. Which I also did during tuition! Knsssss. PE was running, did light PE instead and walked like half the distance heehee. We talked about Elitism and Meritocracy during SS and it was really interesting and true. Pity we only get one period of SS a week ): Mr Ng sat in during the class and couldn't spell scholarship or meritocracy. :\ Haha. Trigo was tiring I cannot stand Trigo. Then we had a period to kill before the gates were open. So the others started doing Maths and I didn't want to do Maths so me and JayJay walked around the school. Went to the canteen where he bought a Cornetto and it was kinda disturbing because he got it all over his mouth and was like "Now I know what a blowjob feels like." O.O Then he popped the cone in his mouth and said he was sucking a cock. Knssss. Oh and he told me about him and the guys' Strip Squash game! HAHAHA. Stayed on the first level then Calvin came over after his lessons. Met the other guys as well then went up to get our bags and went over to Tampines Mallll.

Everyone was superduper hungry so we were trying to find a place to eat, everywhere was freaking crowded! But luckily Pizza Hut had seats for us 9 people- the usual without Louise, Justina and Manaswi(omg I sound like I'm ordering a dish). Curry Zazzle baked rice was good :D Went over to Converse and chose a pair of shoes for our Edwinzxz! (: Got the pair and all then me and Chenyin walked over to the interchange to go home, while the rest went back to school. Was supposed to meet Calvin and Weyjian for dinner but Weyjian couldn't make it in the end ): So I was at home watching dramas again haha, until Meredith called up telling me that Mummy was going psycho about the new house. They painted my room THE WRONG SHADE OF PINK, and did a messy paint job and screwed up some other things so yeah. Meredith came home with my Krispy Kremeeeesss!!!!!!!! :D Thankyou SarahBaraaaaaah(: Had instant noodles for dinner instead, unhealthy fat unhealthy fat.

Today! Went for ballet a half hour late. Hahaha, there were many people in class today. Miss Penny came! Found out that we will have to start having twice a week classes, and after June or July, thrice a week classes omggg. Exams are in September. D: Mummy picked us up and we went over to Simei to get my waterchestnut drink and Meredith's herbal tea. Then went home and ate yummmyyyy roast duck and chicken and charsiew yumyum. Then went over to see the new house, my room walls were freaking not the colour I chose. They were supposed to be a vibrant, intense Lollipop Pink! Now I don't even know what colour it is, it's similar but not the one I chose I'm so annoyed ): Me and Meredith had fun taking pictures with the CORRECT SHADE OF LIME GREEN wall though, and Mummy's orange kitchen, and the yellow living room wall. Went home, and found out that John ate my Krispy Kremes already wtfff. Cuz Uncle asked him if he wanted another one and took out the box and I saw only 2 inside, when yesterday me and Meredith only had 1 each. Then John, being the brat he is, of course said yes lah. And I couldn't possibly go like "NO HE CANNOT EAT MY DONUTS THEY WERE BROUGHT ALL THE WAY FROM AUSTRALIA FOR ME AND ONLY ME." Because I would sound like a right spoilt brat who deserves to be slapped, even though what I said is true. So he ate another one. And now I have 1 donut left. Annoying brat you have friends who live in town but can't buy your own stupid donuts I hate you. And everytime the brats are here, Mummy is so tense and on edge because she can't stand being in the same house as them. And even Uncle was getting annoyed at John just now because John is a brat and chooses to ignore everyone. So when Mummy told him to do something, even Uncle seemed mad wtffffff. And I'm even fine with Alicia now okay, I just, CANNOT STAND JOHN HE NEEDS TO BE SLAPPED.

Okay pictures up, 4 pictures of Chenyin first.



New house new house new house.

Kitchen cabinets!
I was trying to look claustrophobic.
Mummy's wardrobe HAHA.

Meredith has a bald spotttt.
Roomie room room!

HELLO SUNSHINE YELLOW WALL.
Celery Leaf green wall!

Chenyin drowning in Ryan's GAP hoodie.
JunJun's black sneakers! Which I am gonna steal.

When he got distracted, Chenyin's handiwork.


Pizza Hut! Edwin: (referring to Melvin)He's like a statue lah! Aww. Edwin looks so blissful HAHA.

HAHA LOOK AT JAYJAY.
Kns I start and end with Chenyin. Okay she's wearing Ryan Lee's beanie.

What was that look, I saw in your eyes?

Today was Pin The Badge On Junior Day! HAHA. Um, didn't attach ourselves to anyone, but just uh, observed the proceedings. They changed our badge, so now it has this chain thing like the VJ one. Hm, did a (pathetic) TJ cheer haha then went off for lessons. Today Maths was good because I managed to understand everything, and it's only counting so I better understand everything or I'm quite screwed D: Bio was spent doing research. I forgot to bring my tablet so had to rush and borrow one from Ben. Mr Ng was freaking lame today, telling jokes like "Which animal is noisier, the elephant or the rhino?" Ans: The rhino cuz it has a horn. O.O Geog was freaking boring, spent it showing Melvin and Zhihong random profiles, then drawing rubbish on Melvin's tablet. Lunch opposite with Chenyin, Calvin, JayJay, Ryan, Edwin, Charis, Justina and Ashley. Back to school for more Maths, Trigo is starting to annoy me again... Chinese was a bloody waste of time as usual because our dear wanton mee seller SUCKS BOLLZ SHE CANNOT TEACH. I think I learn more in one lesson with Laoshi then for the past 2 weeks of lessons. And now she tells us we have to pass up our journal by tomorrow, which I doubt I'm going to do because I hate talking to her, have nothing to say to her, let alone write 150words of random things, to her. Sorry, my ramblings for people I actually like.

Stayed back with Chenyin and Ryan to do Chinese, didn't do much since I can't actually type Chinese fast or anything haha. Did Math homework instead (DO NOT FAINT), I couldn't really believe it myself haha. But I decided that since my room is a mess and I have no table space, I should do it in school while I have the chance and the homework was really easy anyway. :D Yijun walked over with Xuanzheng and Denie. Yijun was doing the holiday homework and asked ME for help with Discriminants, not a very smart choice but I managed to solve one question anyway hawhaw. Xuanzheng took my homework for "reference" YOU KNOW HOW COOL IT FEELS TO HAVE PEOPLE COPYING OFF YOU AND NOT THE OTHER WAY ROUND HAHAHAHAHAHA. Tried on Yijun's Converse and didn't want to return them. Then he got very distracted and took off his sock (I dunno why) and Chenyin drew on 3 of his toes. O.O Mr Ng walked past and said "Do you all have nothing else to do?" Haha. Chenyin and Ryan finished up Chinese then we took a bus down to Bedok Interchange to get donuts! Bought 3 while Chenyin bought 12, then went to wait for Chenyin's mum. Met Louise and Melissa, also saw Jodine. Hm, got a ride home from Chenyin's mum. (:

Home, then Jeremy called and I went out to get him through the side gate. He was bearing shirts! Haha thankyou Jereeemmmyyyy. :D Fell asleep for about and hour and Mummy just came home with food for me. The kitchen cabinets in the new house are going to be completely redone so we'll probably only move earliest next month or something lah. OKAY I SHALL DO MY JOURNAL NOW. I will sleep by 11 and not go for PE tomorrow because I'm still feeling lousssyyy. Sarahbarah's gonna pass me some Krispy Kremeeeees tomorrow (:

Might Have Ben Hur

HIHI (omg so Chenyin). Okay yeah I realised I haven't blogged in, 1, 2, 3, 4 days! But it's not like life's been awfully interesting. Sunday, nothing happened. Monday was uhh, -refers to timetable, OH THE LONGEST DAY EVER. We started the day off with double Chem, revision much needed. Lang Arts, I don't remember what happened, oh we went through Nature. Maths, where I really did some work. Then we had to write a letter during Chinese, but it really makes no sense because no one in their right mind would write a letter to their cousin teaching them how to keep themselves healthy O.O Free period where me Ryan, Chenyin went opposite trying to get a drink because I had a craving for Sugarcane and Waterchestnut. Unfortunately there wasn't any but me and Ryan shared rojak! With only you tiao heehee. Back to school where I passed JayJay his drink and stayed for abit with him and his group members playing Zhong Ji Mi Ma, Shiling lost and had to run around saying "I am retarded'. HAHAHA! Went for Geog, because Louise isn't in our class anymore, we don't have Ben in our group ): Miss Wong, thought that I would be lonely in my group being the only girl and all, but little does she know! HAHA. History was next, with Miss Bian. Joined classes with 2C so the class is kinda hugeee. Had to stay back for volleyball training even though I was super super tired and Mummy asked me to come home. I STAYED, BECAUSE CHENYIN MADE ME. Saying it was for my own good kns. Went for dinner with Chenyin Ryan and Louise after that, then they left and Jo and JJ came so me and Jo crapped talked while JJ ate and um, listened in amusement. Parted and I went home!

Yesterday, me and Charis took light PE and just walked/jogged 4 rounds around the track heehee. Justina was being her usual bimbotic self during break. Ryan insulted her and she was blur.

Ryan: There's this ugly girl ah, from 1D/07, her name is Justina..
Justina: OI! -Raises hand up to whack Ryan then stops. Ey what?
Ryan: Okay NEVER MIND JUSTINA.

Then I had Geog again and we had to watch a video on tectonic plate movement. Was falling asleep throughout and the sofa at the back of their class looked so inviting... Had to do research during Bio, didn't really accomplish much except allocate duties! Maths then went opposite for lunch with Chenyin, Ryan, Justina, Edwin, JayJay, Ben, Melvin, Zhihong, Manaswi, then met Calvin there. History then double Lang Arts, we went through the poem about nature and we all had to read it out loud. Miss Tan let us off early but the weather was being a bitch and raining super duper heavily so me Chenyin and Ryan decided to wait it out. Got a ride home from Chenyin's dad, then had to take a shower and rush down to tuition. First tuition lesson of the year, I had super alot to say! Hahaha. And I realised that this year marks the 8th year of Laoshi teaching me/knowing me. Meaning she has known me for like half my life! :O And even more than that for Meredith. She told me that we had to invite her to our wedding dinners. I said sure, when I get married to Daomingsi :D Mummy picked us up and we went to get dinner, then went to Courts to buy more lights I have no idea why. Home, then slept late D:

Today, school started later! But kept getting chased so I didn't sleep MUCH later pfft. Had to present our timelines and stuff during History. Justina picked Fann Wong as one of the 4 most important people who shaped Singapore's history. O.O Spent the whole of Chem trying to find stuff that I learnt last year and listening to Caleb telling me freaking cold jokes omg. While walking out of class, Mr Chay went "Magdalene, you're quite talkative ah?" Um yeah. ): Haha. Boring lessons, then we had to elect a class commitee during Civics. Omg freaking lame there is a role for EVERYONE to play right, and they came up with all these reps like "Social Rep", "Notice Board Rep", "Care Rep". OKAAAY. Went to Bedok Interchange for lunch with, Chenyin, Calvin, Ryan, JayJay, Edwin, Zhihong, Ben, Melvin. Calvin went off to meet his friend then we all went to KFC. YUMYUMZZZZZZZ. Had stupid lameass conversations during the whole time we were there, like trying to come up with Pokemon names for everyone. Chenyin insisted that she wanted to be the one who could sing and put everyone to sleep, Jigglypuff! I AM CHARMANDER(sp?) Went back to school and slacked for abit, then walked around for PDP fair. Went to the Squash courts to find the guys, and found more than we expected, in a good way (; Went with Chenyin to the rockclimbing wall where we saw Calvin and Ryan climbing the wall. Talked to Zhuanglaoshi for quite abit, she said my Chinese isn't that bad okay. Chenyin went off to tuition, Calvin was an ass and asked me to wait for him then told me to go home wtf. Didn't want to wait for dance so went home first, alone, and with the company of my iTouch blasting Drake Bell. Mummy came and we went to Simei to see the house. They fixed in the kitchen cabinets and my wardrobe! Omg my wardrobe is so prettttttttyyyyyy. The kitchen's really bright and cheerful too! But they got alot of stuff wrong so looks like we won't be moving anytime soon. Mad Jack's for dinner after picking Meredith up from school. Freaking disappointing, the whole meal kinda sucked. I should have ate at SPIZE or something. Food's better and cheaper! Home, showered, back NOW. I am so horrible I should have slept like an hour ago tomorrow I am going to die I have eyebags. School is such a bore I have nothing to blog about I may not blog for the rest of the week or something. Hm, okay bye.

Maybe, this year will be a better one. Because I'm so not blinded and stupid and retarded to let you affect me anymore.

Flea Fly Mosquito (DIE)

I'm starting a habit of only blogging every 2 days haha. But that's okay because at least I still blog right! Even though with no pictures, because I have no idea where the camera is and I'm scared D: Okay yesterday was a superduper short daaaay! :D Chinese was reading an article and we had to brainstorm like, how to keep yourself healthy O.O Then PE, and I'm so unfit because we only had to run 3 rounds but I was already dying. Break, then we had Social Studies with Miss Bian! (: That was fun because it's mostly like, just giving your opinion, and the topic at hand was Singapore's Education. Ha! We all had alot to say about that, then it was Maths, and I managed to do most of the work with JayJay's help. We had to kill time first before we could get out of school, so me Ryan and Chenyin went to walk around the track looking at the orientation games and all. (: Then met Calvin and made a second round around the track, before meeting back with the guys and all.

Went to Long John's with Chenyin, Calvin, Ryan, JayJay, Ben, Melvin, Melissa, Louise, Jolene. Talked shit and all then rain started pouring. Left and I went to meet Mummy to go grocery shopping. Went home, then Hilary came over. I started roasting potatoes, then Meredith and Trini came home and Mummy made lots of food. We had, roast chicken, roast potatoes(which were very nice okay), mussels, spaghetti and salad. Yuuuummmm. Drank rum and coke which is really quite nice, then they all went home.

Today! Woke up with my thighs aching. Went over to Ah ma's house first, then Godma sent us for ballet, and Sherilyn's cousin came as well. SHE IS SO SKINNY OKAY SHE IS LIKE, SKINNIER THAN LOUISE :O And her thighs, are half the size of mine. No kidding okay wtf. Sherilyn's body was aching too, but I can't complain because she ran 20 rounds around her school, and I only ran 3 rounds, around a track. Tsk Mag! Sent Meredith to Fengshan CC, where I had to be bored out of my wits while she collected her cheque and all. Saw Stacy there too! Meredith got her cheque, and because I saw Botak Jones on the way, I wanted to eat there but Mummy said I couldn't cuz I'm coughing, so we went to eat zi charrrrr. Still good though, back home now and I'm so lazzzzyyy I dunno what to do online. Thank you SarahBarah for talking some sense into me just now haha. No I'm not going to convert to Buddhism!

First Day.

Okay yesterday was the first day of school! Haha the weather was really cold, like I hoped for so that was good (: Our Civics tutor is Miss Tan, which is quite cool, then we met our Maths, Chem and Chinese teachers. Chem teacher was scary, because (s)he, threatened to kill us if we were ever late and all but overall he was quite okay, Chinese teacher was um, a demon. SHE STILL IS OKAY she keeps giving me and Edwin evil glares even though we don't do anything to her so yeah. Eeeeeevil. Maths is Mr Hsi, this year better be good. Civics, I AM WELFARE REP. Followed Chenyin to her dental at Parkway after school, met super alot of people there. Even at Chenyin's dental, Fanchou was there! Hahaha, then walked around for abit, then Chenyin decided to come over for dinner cuz Mummy made kiamchye and she likes it haha. Was super tired, slept at 930 but still couldn't wake up this morning!!

Today was another cold day, Bio with Mr Ng was quite funny. Haha because his jokes are as lame as Zhihong's. Then most of the class went off for free period, while I had Geog, with 2A! :D Louise, Zhihong, Ben, Melvin, Mana. Whoooo, chose our group today! Geog should be fun. Our other Maths teacher looks like a rabbit. D: JHahuadad. Went home after that with Mummy, then slept for 3 hours just now O.O Watching Deal Or No Deal now, the guy has alll the odds against him hawhaw. Chenyin says my blog is boring already cuz it has no pictures, that's because uhh, all the pictures are in my handphone and I'm too lazy to upload them. (:

School hasn't been that bad considering that our class is still quite okay compared to most, but it's still super different from the previous year. And I know it's no point whining about how I miss last year (even though I really do), so yeah, deal with it I guess? I mean, like everyone's from different classes and we all have our own cliques so the class couldn't be more divided. At least the cohort is small and we still see each other often? :\ Okay bye, I'm going to uh, take a shower or something.

Withdrawal.

Woke up at close to 2 with Ling's elbow digging into my shoulder blade. Since, I woke her up and made her watch 斗牛要不要 and we only slept at 5am, on my bed. Which is not big. So it wasn't very comfortable haha. Watched OC (: And there was the super sweet New Year episode, which was the episode where they said that how you spend New Year was how you were gonna spend the rest of the year. Which makes me depressed, because I'm going to spend the rest of the year watching OC, thanks alot haha.

So, first day of school tomorrow. Not looking forward to it at all O.O Timetables are killlllllerrr, and I'm already planning to get Maths tuition from JieJieAmy. OH YEAH, just now Lingalingaling was going home right, and JieJieAmy drove. HAHA. Ling was like "OMG WTH?!" Then she messaged me saying that she's going to die. She didn't btw. Harhar, I don't want to go to schoooooooool. The good news though is, everything's organised. I got all my stuff in my bag, with no missing badge/results slip/locker key whatever. AH. BYE LAH THERE'S NOTHING TO BLOG TILL TOMORROW.

Whoever you want me to be.

HAPPY 2008!
Not that it's much to be happy about since school starts in about um... less than 24 hours but whatever okay. I'm sure this year will have uh, lots of new experiences lying in wait for us and yeah.

:D

Spent today eating loads of crap while watching The OC on dvd. Haaad, roast chicken, shepherd's pie, mashed potatoes, gravy, broccoli and carrots, plus any alcohol you wanted. Not that I drank much. Oh and Royce Chocolate! Lingalingaling and Yiyi, and Uncle Siew, and Hilary and her mum came over. Hilary drank 3 glasses of wine okay, then she and Meredith decided to try and get themselves drunk by drinking numerous shot glasses of rum and coke. And Lingalingaling's gonna stay overrrrrr. I hope the first day of school is cold because I wanna wear my new hoodie heehee. Okay whatever, I rang in the new year with Meredith going "Ey it's 2008 already!" Us: "Huh oh okay HAPPY NEW YEAR" then continued watching OC. Adam Brodyyyyy. :D

Oh and I found out that Lynn met Alan Luo in Taiwan and she's so darn lucky because SHE WANTED TO MEET HIM. ): If I went, maybe I would have met Mike He or smth ommgggg. ): Okay bye.