I feel so fucked up now I want to die because I just started on History revision, yes at like 12am, and I realised there's so much and I have no attention span and I started reading the 50 Years War and I skipped chapters 4 times and that fucking sucks I have learnt nothing of substance. I feel lonely, that no one is trying to understand and harharhar I am a whiny idiot.
And I'm currently trying to compile the Interhouse games forms which are due tomorrow and it's SO FUCKED UP and I want to die and I don't want Delta to be disadvantaged in any way and it's the first time I'm doing something like this and you don't know how it feels when everything doesn't seem to be going your way and no one wants to cooperate and again I am a whiny idiot.
Because you are drifting from me, you don't try to understand, and everyone else is caught up in their own lives. Something I should be trying to do, to live for myself.
Even today was semi fucked up because I had to meet my fucked up uncle and his family who are all rude fat idiots. When I walk into the house, and I'm polite and greet you "Hello ____ and ____" I at least expect some semblance of respect, just a smile or a hi back would suffice. Even your equally fat and obnoxious kids, my sad to say, dear cousins, don't know how to greet Mummy. You feel like you can lord it over others for I have no idea what reason. When I say "I wrote for the AYG website", yes I HAD to slip that in and the fact that I beat your stupid son in PSLE even though he went for countless tuition and I went for Chinese only and didn't study, your son goes "I write for Digital Life", of which your name isn't even published because you're writing for your superior. Good job. Your filial act, trying to act as if you care about Ah Ma, that you have the right to make decisions for the family after Kong Kong died because you're the oldest son, just irritates me because YOU HAVE NO RIGHT. Because you are the most distant from this family, a family that I wish I did not have to share with you and that you did not belong to. Asking us at the start of the prayer session, "Do you even remember Kong Kong", maybe meaning it as a joke, was INSENSITIVE and RUDE to his memory and to our memories of him. You have no idea how much he meant to us because you were never there at family gatherings unless it's Ah Ma or Kong Kong's birthday cuz then you had to appear and put on your filial son act again.
Fucking rant and the only thing keeping me up now is the fact that the lights are on and I'm too lazy to switch them off, I'm listening to emo 五月天 music, I'm talking to a friend/stranger because the circumstances under which we met are very weird, I'm cheering Vibz and Troodz on, or rather Troodz is cheering me up, and................... I'm hungry which usually means I should sleep but right now I really want food because the last thing I ate was Korean soup 5 hours before now.
Ling and Jiejiemeimei came over just now, after we had Scoopz ice cream. Mocha+Grape ice cream = WIN!!!! Ling had a heart attack after eating she is damn retarded. She said "Okay better send me home now because it's nearer to the hospital." BEST LING, BEST. You can write that in your testimonial!! "I nearly had a heart attack but I am still doing my testimonial now. Because my future tertiary education is very important to me. More important than my health."
Help.
P.S. To the Indo-Chinese friend/stranger who will never read this, I will remember the Lake House-esque "date" next year, after dance concert where my phone will have no battery again HAHAHA omg wtf. And you will start planting the daisy outside RP now. YAY! I want to die from the retardedness of this haha.
